Kids and Water

Yes, now what kid doesn't love playing in water....and it is always MORE tempting when you don't have swimsuits on!!  It was cold....  No need to get in!  Although there was one guy who actually did go all the way in and UNDER!  I think he was training for the Polar Bear Plunge.  CRAZY.

(Take note....couldn't let them have all the fun.)

 

And when at the beach, there must be a sand castle!  We did not make this.  It was part of the display outside the welcome center.  The entire thing was huge!!....Sorry, no photo available of the whole thing right now.  

Bright Lights....of Hildalgo

Welcome to Hildago

This is actually the second time we went to the lights.  We went last year too...but it was another thing the boys wanted to share with Lil' Miss. So I really didn't take too many photos.  Well, that and...frankly it is really challenging to try to  take a good photo from the car....with a GAZILLION other lights behind the one display you want a picture of!!

Little Bit wanted me to take a picture of these armadillo. Apparent his favorite teacher loves them!  Who knew?!  I wish I has known sooner....I would have bought her a cute wine bottle holder for Christmas.

Li'l Miss Loves the butterflies.

World's Largest Killer Bee

 Actually, this is strange but interesting... This giant statue is there because the first colony of killer bee that entered Hildalgo was in Oct 1990...and they were wuite proud of the new-found title.  Feel free to read more here.

All things Texas: Yellow Rose, Blue Bonnets, & an Oil Well

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all my friends....from our crazy house to yours!  Even though I can't show my kiddos faces....this is pretty close to who we are!

May God BLESS you and your families, may He turn His ear toward you as you follow Christ's way!

Dorothy, You're not in Kansas anymore!

One of the groups I belong to asked what everyone was doing, or going to do, in order to survive the holidays with our FASD children. I decided that keeping things a low-stress as possible as the way to go.  

Last year, one of the gifts I gave to my foster boys was a trip to Texas for family vacation. Well, ever since their younger sister moved in....they have wanted to go back again so they could show her all the fun things.

Ok...I know going on vacation for most is probably not a stress-free time....but I think I have found a method to this. You see, I don't tell them ahead of time. This time, the found out the night before we left so they could help pack. (Last year, they found out on the morning we were supposed to leave.) 

Well, yes.... This crazy momma packed up three FASD kids and headed south to warm & sunny South! May you all have fun. God Bless and Merry Christmas.

Elf on the Shelf Jesus Style

The name of The Lord is.....

Elf on the Shelf

Beau brought a special birthday cake from the North Pole!

Elf on the Shelf Jesus Style: Day 6

Time to be a blessing to others....as it is better to give than receive.

The kids will have to work together to make these...and then share them.  (OH, Beau....did you even think this through??  How will I survive this baking adventure with all of them in the kitchen....????)

Gifts

Last night I had the chance to take my kiddos to see Disney on Ice.  I was not really impressed with the show.  Frankly, I was rather disappointed in the choreography.  When there was a company doing things together it was really sloppy!  I just feel for the price you pay for tickets....and for the fact these people do this full time....I really felt like it should have been a little more together.  BUT, anyway....

It was SO fun to watch my three kiddos watch completely mesmerized by the whole production. They have never seen anything like it.  And I discovered several Disney movies they have never had the opportunity to watch.  I forget that the experiences my bio had the missed out on.  Things I think are so basic.... like watching Disney movies.

So some of the story lines were lost on them...but they still sat in awe.  Sure wish I could show you all of the cute faces staring at it all. Maybe someday.

All of this was an early Christmas present for them....and it really reminds me how our Heavenly Father enjoys giving us gifts and I am so sure He delights in our pleasure just the same.  Now if we could just remember to sit back and wait patiently for all the good things He has planned.

Elf on the Shelf - Jesus Style: Day 5

Beau was pretty boring, but he brought out a puzzle to try his hand at it.

Minifigure Family

This cracked me up.....

Lego your family and make a postcard HERE

The cast of Characters:  Me, Boog, Iron Man, Little Bit, Li'l Miss, Bozo, and Kits...

Elf on the Shelf Jesus Style-Day 4

Super-Duper Beau brings a new book....but couldn't wait to read it!!

Elf on the Shelf -Jesus Style Day 3

Orange You Sweet....  Beau found his way into a bag of Halos to teach a lesson on Galatians 5:21-23. The kids are supposed to share their fruit of the Spirit with the principals....we'll see how it goes!

Elf on the Shelf - Jesus Style: Day 2

Beau started his lesson and fun right of the bat..... The kids couldn't find him in PLAIN SIGHT sitting in the kitchen light! LOL.  The didn't find him until tonight....so much for being & sharing "The Light" at school today.

His book is actually a letter....he thanks the kids for his name: "Super-Duper Beau" and shared John 12:46

Elf on the Shelf Jesus Style

Well, I have enjoyed the idea of the Elf on the Shelf for several years....but have put it off for on reason or another.  This year I had been totally planning on getting an elf....but yet wasn't sure.  We "do Santa" here....but I wasn't sure about the 'trickery' involved in the behaviors....(and yet, as I type this, I do kinda remember my parents telling me on more than one occasion "OH I think I just saw an elf checking in on you."....and that was more than one occasion each year...or week knowing me!)

So back to my pondering.....See, these kids need Jesus more than more Santa....so how in the world could I do this?  Then...BAM!  Someone shared ELF ON THE SHELF JESUS STYLE by Crayon Marks and Tiger Stripes.... OH THIS IS PERFECT!!!  I can't even tell you how perfect she has done the letter from Santa....so go check it out.  I bought our elf.....and tweeked her letter a little to fit us....and its printed....so I can welcome out little guest!!!

Hi-ho Hi-ho.....

It's off to work I go.  Yes, tomorrow it is back to work after a nice 4-day weekend.  I have to admit, on one hand it has been nice to be home.....but on the other, I will be glad for the kids to go back to school.

Ther have been many times the past year I have realized that I miss being at home and homeschooling.  But I am not sure if I could homeschool my FASD trio. I even wonder why God has given me these children.....  I really don't feel adequate many times.....but then I have to lean into Him and trust in Him.....and buckle my seatbelt because the ride is bumpy!!

I did get Thanksgivng dinner made, lots of soup and stock made, the house (outside) decorated, 6 loads of laundry done, three trips to the grocery store (actually different stores), and tidied,the house.....I didn't do any Black Friday shopping. Not for a lack of wanting to, but that is one thing that goes by the side as a single parent. Oh well....

As I head off to work....I'll leave you with this:

Knuckle Down

Now if you knew what was coming....good for you! I can remember going to my grandparents' house when I was a kid and my grandfather had a TON of marbles. We would always play.

My kiddo got marbles last year (he started his collection on our Texas vacation).... And finally today I looked up the rules so we could play.

A little bit of string and painters tape....voila 

Of course playing a game with FASD kids is so frustrating to me.... The concrete black and white thinking causes them to think they have to always be in the same spot!!! And honestly I know they probably won't ever "get it" ....thus this competitive momma has to change.

Ugh, this journey is certainly reminding me how The Refiners fire changes us for the better. 

Thanksgiving

So I began my day of cooking with homemade cinnamon rolls.... As they were baking... Got the turkey into the oven. And then....

Breakfast was ready and dinner was in the oven.

Then I decided to do a little project.  I have had the supplies for almost the last week.... 

I had each kid in the house put their  hand-prints on here and turned them into turkeys.... (They each picked out the color they wanted in the store... So this is bright).... Then we each listed 8 thing we are thankful for this year.  (FYI: The giant hearts were added over my photo to block out the kids name due to privacy issues...they aren't really on my table runner.)

I know you are curious as to what we each listed, right?
Iron Man:
1. Trees (because they give us air to breathe)
2. Food
3. Toys
4. Teachers
5. Mom
6. Dad
7. School
8. Clothes

Little Bit:
1. My sister
2. Momma (He clarified this as "you"...as to make a point he was talking about me not bio-mom)
3. Iron Man
4. Our dog
5. Our cat
6. Friends
7. Toys
8. Teachers

Li'l Miss:
1. Munchkin
2. Our house
3. YOU Momma!
4. Our dog
5. Little Bit
6. Iron Man
7. School
8. Toys

Momma:
1. Boog
2. Iron Man
3. Little Bit
4. Li'l Miss
5. God
6. Friends
7. Our house
8. My job  (Yes, it is good to be able to pay the bills!)

Dinner & A Movie

We had such a great evening tonight! I had the honor of having my friend and 11 of her kids over for a "picnic" dinner and a movie.  I know most people would assume 14 children and two moms to supervise might be crazy hectic.... But here's proof:

It was lots of fun!  And as I am typing this, I realized this is Allison's life everyday.  There are 14 children in my living room..... Such blessings from the Lord.  I am honored to have this family as my friends!!

We had summer sausage, cheese, crackers, fruit, veggies, chips, and popcorn.... and watched TURBO.  The kids had fun.  My three had brought down blankets, pillows, and beanbag chairs, all to have lots of space so their friends could be comfy.

As an extra treat I made chocolate cake. The recipe for "Wonder Cake" has been around my family for years.  The great thing is there is no dairy product in this. (Perfectly safe for her kiddo with allergies.) and last night I decided to make a small one with gluten free flour for her and her kiddos with gluten issues.  She loved it, the kids all loved it. And I got to share the recipe too. And before I share with you, I have to share this comical exchange that took place while I was dishing cake. 

ME: I have gluten free cake too, but I don't think you (older kids) want that.

KID 1: (In his 5yo accent) I want gwooten fwee cake

ME: ok I will bring you some

KID 2: Momma I want some good and sweet cake too!

God I love kids!! And yes, I told Allison... You realize that's blog-able! She gave me permission.... And said she might link to it (Check her blog out at SchummExplosion if you haven't yet!)

And I think she may have done better at tellin the story.... But in any case, you got mine.  Now I'm going to finish watching my dog on clean-up duty! (He's in heaven!) 

Here's the Wonder Cake:

WONDER CAKE RECIPE

Single recipe in 8” square pan (my gluten free one was a little flatter b/c I baked it in a 9"square...Allison said it was brownie-ish...of course some of that might have been the kids jumping around last night while it was baking too!  LOL!)

1 ½  cups  flour

1 cup sugar

3 Tablespoons cocoa

1 teaspoon baking soda

1 teaspoon salt

Sift all into pan and level off. Make 3 dents. In first, put 6 tablespoons salad oil, in 2^nd dent put 1 teaspoon vinegar. In 3^rd dent put 1 teaspoon vanilla.

Pour 1 cup of water over all and stir with fork till lumps are gone.

Bake 35 minutes in 350 oven.

Can be doubled and baked in 13x9 pan.

Christmas Joy....and pain

So I have been sitting in my bed this morning cruising the internet Pinterest.  I really love Christmas.  Last year was two of my boys' first Christmas with me.  OH MY, did they get to see what Christmas can (and should in my humble opinion) be.  They have already begun the excitement of being able to share the joy with their sister.

Christmas is really a time to remember the gift God gave each of us by sending His son.  What a gift. The Lord sacrifices and our sins forgiven.....now there's the JOY! We can have a restored relationship with our heavenly father because of the sacrifice of Christ.

I have been trying to come up with some great crafts to do together. Which for this crafty-type really isn't much of a challenge.....frankly I think I just overloaded all my Pinterest followers as I think I repinned a hundred things.  You see I can paint, use power tools,  hot glue, glitter, Photoshop, a sewing machine, and a gazillion other things.  And if I haven't done it...I'm not afraid to try it!!  So this morning's quick look-see turned into an hour and a half and lots of early coffee!!    But I had to stop.  Not because I ran out of room, time, or desire to search for more.  But because my heart began to ache.

You see, one of the things I was wanting to do with the kids is a craft for their mom.  In the world of foster care and (open) adoption, it is good to allow the children to maintain these connections.  I want them to be able to give their mom something.  I have come up with a plethora of ideas: picture book, framed photo, Christmas ornament, hand or thumb print crafts, and the list goes on, and on, and on, and on, and........   OK so you get the point.  My dilemma is this: Mom is living in her car.  She had been living in her car for the better part of this year.  So, I am not sure what to make.  I want it to be small enough that she will be able to keep it with her if she chooses and durable so it won't get easily crushed.

Now, the rest of my heart ache comes from knowing that in all the joy of the season....just like many days; it brings my children sadness, pain, unresolved trauma, hurt, fear, unlabeled emotions, all squished in with their happiness and joy.

The journey of foster care is not an easy one.  Not for us parents and not for the children....not for anyone. No matter the role.  I am sure God, even though "He predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ to Himself, according to the kind intention of His will” (Ephesians 1:5) has to walk through heart-ache and pain....as His children are hurting.

Getting to know me.....just a little

OK, So I ran across this cool "Kansas Women Bloggers"and I thought I'd join in....


1.  If you make money with your blog, how do you do it?
Nope....don't make any money at this.  I probably never will....I don't really consider myself a "writer" - just use this as an outlet.

2.  How do you increase your blog readership?
I post some on Pinterest and Facebook.... I am still working on this.

3. If you aren’t originally from Kansas, what brought you here?
I am not originally from Kansas...family brought me here....but it has always been home more than where I am from.  I have lived in states.

4. If you are from Kansas, have you ever lived elsewhere?
See above...LOL
 
5. If someone were to hand you $10,000 (no strings attached), what would you do with it?
First I would tithe on it.  Then, invest.  Really not too much.

6. Who was the first blogger you ever really followed?
The first blog I began to regularly follow (about 6-7 years ago) was by Angie Smith it was then called "Bring the Rain" and it was a healing outlet for her after her daughter's terminal diagnosis in utero.  I won't ruin it. She is blogging...go read the story...but have a box of kleenex nearby.  She is the reason why I began to blog my journey.

7.  What’s your favorite pair of shoes?
Mostly none.  But I hate being cold....so in the winter, anything warm and comfy!

Read more at http://kansaswomenbloggers.com/2013/11/19/getting-to-know-you-a-link-party/#A8mDhEqB5doJBfVQ.99

Project Belong

Recently I have had the chance to learn more about Project Belong through a couple events, a great friend, and talking with the co-founder Brandon Hoffman.  I have been feeling God pull me more and more into the area of ministry during the past year.  I can't even explain how awesome this will be when it opens.  But here is the information on the GoFundMe site:

Project Belong, a ministry that recruits, trains, and supports foster and adoptive parents within the faith community in Kansas, is currently hosting a Capital Funding Campaign to raise the necessary funds for the purchase and updating of the Henderson House Inn and for the construction of a multipurpose facility to house Project Belong’s corporate offices and meeting and conference facilities.

Currently, the Inn is a public lodging facility providing accommodations to those visiting the Stafford, Kansas area. The facility is host to meetings and events for community organizations and individuals. Upon completion, the facility will have the capacity for meetings up to 180 in attendance. It will be available for reservations for family reunions, wedding receptions, and more.

Often, foster and adoptive families may find themselves in a situation of needing additional support through a crisis or needing to connect with other foster and adoptive families for fellowship, networking and building support systems.
The vision for a retreat and conference center operated by the ministry of Project Belong would offer a central location for meeting this need of foster and adoptive families. This would be achieved through retreats, conferences and aiding families in crisis with emergency or planned stays at the center. Services can be offered to support the family such as pastoral and Christian counseling, intensive support, peer counseling from other foster or adoptive families, and support from agency partners.
A program is being developed to use a portion of the facility for a transitional living training program for youth aging out of foster care (ages 18-21). In this program, a small number of youth will be selected to live in the facility, receive training for work experience, budgeting, spiritual counsel, and more. This training and experience will provide the youth with a foundation for successfully entering adulthood.
Any donation amount will help bring us closer to making this a reality.

This is truly an excellent way to help meet God's command that we help care for the orphans.  Many say they aren't called to foster or adopt....and to that I say support those who do! And this will be awesome for SO MANY families!!

Go Pray...and check out this site:

http://www.gofundme.com/ProjectBelongRetreat

LIghtbulb....

Ok, so we have all had those "lightbulb" moments, right??  I had one of my own today.  Of course not the first one....but just another one of many.

You see recently (about 6 weeks ago) I received a diagnosis for Iron Man.  When this came back, I have to admit I was surprised.  Surprised, not at the fact that he was alcohol affected in utero, but at the severity of his FASD.  I was very certain that his diagnosis was going to come back with a FAE - or effect..... but, not full-blown FAS.  Well, I was wrong.

I have thought I was somewhat knowledgable in FASD until now.  I knew alot of basics.  However there has been more and more research in this area and I am enjoying learning more each day.  However today, while crusing around on Facebook, I read this post by Jeff Noble over at https://www.facebook.com/fetalalcoholforever:

A person living with Fetal Alcohol's brain is like that light bulb in your house with a short in it. Sometimes it works perfectly and shines all day, other days it flickers on and off. Then there are those days when no matter what you do the light is not coming on.
Realizing this might be the case for your loved ones will allow you to react with appropriate interventions and save you a boat load of stress.(hopefully)

OH! <ping>.......Oh, wow.....

I think I will let you sit on that for a moment.....

NOW, I can't even to begin to express the frustration that a parent or a teacher has in the moment when you KNOW that kiddo is perfectly capable of DOING the task at hand....come on they have done it a bazillion times....yet the look you get....  AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!  Those of you that are living with this will get me.  In fact, I sent that post to my daughter's teacher today. and her words were.... "OH, yes! That describes her perfectly!!!"  She went on to thank me for the info...which I am glad to provide.

Now, Lord, please grant me the patience to remember my children are living with an incurable developmental disability....a traumatic brain injury that had lifelong lasting effects....and they will probably not be able to function without supervision until they are 30 years old....give me the ability to discern the flickering days from the 100-watt-ers and to eliminate my frustration by imagining what their daily frustration must be like.

My Melted Heart

So tonight was a late night because it was the last night of this round of PS-MAPP....it is wonderful to "graduate" another capable class of future foster parents, adoptive parents, and child advocates.  But at the end while wrapping up, my kiddos were writing on the white boards..... When I turned around to see, "____, you are the best mom in the world"

You know, I am not perfect. I screw up....probably daily...and have to ask for forgiveness for my shortcomings. I have to beg for grace and mercy from God (usually with a side order of patience).   ;) But the truth of the matter is.....I matter.  These kids matter.  I never felt this inadequate with my bio-kiddo. Thanks Iron Man....I needed that.  And the whipped cream and cherry on top came when the other two followed his lead....and then Iron Man wrote "I love you". He is not the one to usually offer  up any love or affection..... Thanks son.  I love you too.

Christmas in July

CHRISTMAS IN JULY!

Ok, so maybe it isn't really that early...but it feels really early to be putting up Christmas decorations to me!  Perhaps it is because traditionally I do this the weekend AFTER Thanksgiving...  Why do I do it then?

Have you ever heard this:

A young woman was preparing a ham dinner. After she cut off the end of the ham, she placed it in a pan for baking.

Her friend asked her,"Why did you cut off the end of the ham"?

And she replied ,"I really don't know but my mother always did, so I thought you were supposed to."

Later when talking to her mother she asked her why she cut off the end of the ham before baking it, and her mother replied, "I really don't know, but that's the way my mom always did it."

A few weeks later while visiting her grandmother, the young woman asked, "Grandma, why is it that you cut off the end of a ham before you bake it?"

Her grandmother replied, "Well dear, otherwise it would never fit into my baking pan."

So, yes truthfully, I have always waited until the weekend after Thanksgiving to decorate because my mother did.  I am not sure why she did....other than I am pretty sure my dad didn't want to live in Christmas too long.

I generally wait to take everything down too.....just to enjoy it.  So I decided we will go ahead and put it up early this year.  Last year was two of my boys' "first" Christmas.  They were in awe of everything that was Christmas....and so when they began asking....I just decided "WHY NOT!"  As it is, I now have their little sister here and I know that they are SO excited to share everything they have experienced this past year with her.  

.....and.....Honestly, I can't think of a better way to bring Christ into our new home then by beginning to prepare for his birth.

Marathon Strong Willed Child

Yes, I have decided....SORRY. MOM. FOR. ALL.THE. A-GRA-VATION!  You could say I was a stubborn child. Growing up, if I was told a couldn't do something....I would prove you wrong.  (ability may not have been the issue...permission and obedience were more like it)  At least, that's how I remember it.....OH, who the heck am I kidding??  I'm still that way!  Tell me not to do something; my response will be "WHY?"  Or if you were to tell me I couldn't do something....I will set out to prove you wrong.....

NOW, I have decided Dobson should have written a book. See, I now have a wonderful blessing in my home.  She is cute, funny, charismatic, strong-willed, determined, and may put "strong-willed" into another category of "push-over"!!!  At 5 years old, Li'l Miss is going to give me a run for my money.

As I sit here waiting for her to be ready to do her 5 minute time out....I really have to chuckle.  She has spent nearly an hour chanting "I want to get in my bed"..... what, you may ask, would cause this??  Well, she wasted alot of time disobeying at school, refusing to do her work....so Teacher and I have an agreement.....  "If school time is wasted, she gets to do it here at home."  (Yes, I am a M.O.M.  - mean ol' mom)

So...anyway back to my chorus of worship music and a background line of "I waaaaaaaaaaaaaanna get in mmmmmmmy beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddddddd"

She has a great balance of determination and stick-to-it-ness..... as long as it isn't something she doesn't want to do.  If it is something she doesn't want to do, suddenly "I can't" & "it's too hard" get stuck on repeat!!!

Well, I guess I can start the 5 minute timer, now. (after an hour and 15 minutes of craziness....)  Is it bad that I suggested we keep howling to call the coyotes???

Yes, that got her quiet.

Oh, my dear sweet marathon-strong-willed-child, I love you dearly....and I know this skill you developed was instinct and survival....now to polish it into the right areas.

Adoption Myths

So my friend, Allison, over at Schumm Explosion and I have been spendin loads of time together lately because we teach PS-MAPP together. And I am truly blessed to have her as my friend!! I love her family....walking into her home is a big snuggle-fest by the little!!

Anyway, we worked on "debunking" 20 popular myths of state adoptions.  I could post it all here... But you would miss out on so much of her great stuff..... So go to "State Adoption Myths Debunked" to read it!

Parent-Teacher Conferences

So as a single mom with 3 children in two different schools I must admit this time of year is one of the few times I hate that they attend schools on opposite sides of town.  When you have a kindergartener, first grader, and second grader they all want you to attend everything.... So special party days are the other days this is challenging. 

I am so proud of the hard work my boys have done over the past year! 

Pome on the Range

I have my sister-in-law to thank for this awesome day!  We were talking about a trip to the pumpkin patch and she suggested this awesome little place called Pome on the Range.  We had a blast.  When we started thinking about how many people there would be that could go....with all the bio-kids, foster kids, and friends....it was really cool.  We actually ended up with 10 adults and 9 kids...which doesn't seem odd.  But it is something to think about when included 4 grandparents, only 2 bio kids (one's also a 'step') but 7 of those kiddos are foster children in 3 families....and we were representing 3 races/culture.  

I loved watching God's Word being lived out.... and my heart was absolutely bursting with joy when we filled the ENTIRE wagon coming back!

Here's a few photos from the day:

Walking to the pumpkin patch.

Hunt for a masterpiece!

Picking apples.

Li'l Miss has her first experience picking fruit from the tree!

Gains and Losses

As a PS-MAPP instructor, I have the privilege to teach others about the losses and gains as well as the gains and losses our kiddos face.  This weekend was one of those real life moments for our family.  Yesterday Iron Man & Little Bit's sister Lil' Miss moved in.

I hadn't told the boys that this was happening (I didn't want them to be disappointed if if didn't happen for one reason or another) even though I knew that she was coming Thursday afternoon. So Friday I made all the arrangements to get here rolled in school and the before/after school program.  We have been slowly prepping her room....so that has basically been done since finishing the upstairs of the house.

But I need to share what transpired.  For you to gain insight into how  these kids think and feel...and for them in the future to know they are all loved. Saturday morning when we arrived to pick up Li'l Miss, her foster mom came out to help moved things into our car.

Iron Man noticed all the bags and said "hey, cool you're bringing some stuff with you."

ME: Do you know why she's bringing stuff with her?

IRON MAN: .....sleepover?

ME: We'll, yeah but...more like a permanent sleepover.

IRON MAN: (Total confused look on his face-I am still negotiating and learning how his FAS brain processes information) What do you mean?

ME: She's moving with us.

IRON MAN: (Complete with a fist in the air) YES!!!  What about Munchkin?

(Munchkin is their 2yo baby brother who is also in foster care....but placed with his paternal grandparents)

My heart broke....  It broke for these three kids that have each other, but don't have everything. They are missing the 4th spoke in the wheel that has for so long functioned together....even if wobbly and floppy like a flat tire. It broke for the family that will most likely never live together because bio-mom can't give up the drug addiction. It broke in fear that if the worker gets the sibling split they want....most likely these three children will suffer the huge loss of the baby brother they are already struggling to hold onto. It broke for all of them...and on some level, me....because there isn't anything I wouldn't do to allow them the opportunity to all live together. Here.  

.....and then I prayed.  I prayed as I hugged Li'l Miss's foster mom. She held back tears. I reassured her, we will keep the connection.  I prayed for strength to parent these three children. I prayed for the words of encouragement to give them when they miss Munchkin.  I prayed for strength to fight for them. For them to have the fair opportunity to live together in one family....it's not their fault they have different fathers....why should they suffer more loss.

And then we drove home.  And the squeals of joy of bringing home their sister drowned out a small portion of sadness and sorrow.

And then I prayed a quick prayer of thanksgiving.....Thanks Lord for allowing me the privilege to babysit these blessings and raise these children to know you.

Visit Nightmare

SO, I know how this bio-parent visit thing is supposed to work....but today I am beyond frustrated and angry.  I was on my way to pick the kiddos up from a 1-hour supervised visit (in the office) when I got a TEXT from the worker...asking me "Where are you? MOM just took an earring out of her ear and pierced Little Bit's ear"

I have to admit...my first response was probably not very Christian-like at all.  SO... I will give you the tame version of: OH MY GOODNESS!!!! WHAT??????? ARE YOU FRIGGIN' KIDDING ME???? AND YOU WORKER DIDNT STOP THAT?!?!?!?!?!!

I have to admit, I do not get for the life of me how during a supposed supervised visit that was allowed to even happen.  And why is that even remotely ok?  And on what planet, at what moment, could make a mother think that was an 'ok' thing to do to her son.....??  At any point - let alone after this kiddo hasn't had an earring in his ear for 18+ months?!  Geez-louise....I know how bad my ear hurts when I don't have an earring in for a week!!!

DO YOU HEAR THAT??????  Yeah, I think it was my heart shattering (once again) into a million pieces.  I can't even imagine what it must be like to have your mother - the one person in the world that is suppose to protect you - cause that much pain.  UUUUUGGGGGHHH!!!!!





***Footnote to this....at least there was a drug test done after this behavior...and yes it was positive for methamphetamines.  So I guess, that is on what planet, under what conditions on might do that.


Breaks. My. Heart.

TIMELINE

So, why is it so disheartening when bio parents don't complete the simplest of things?

We had court today, and I am frustrated that after 18 months the judge gave mom another two.  I know they like to give a chance for 'every little inkling" of possible....

She stood in court and (I believe) lied about having a job.  Yes, it sounds so cynical, I know.  BUT, I was sitting outside the courthouse when she pulled up (well actually the boyfriend with a revoked DL was driving) got out of her car walked around...climbed in the back and got changed. Right. In. The. Middle. of. the. town square. Really? Really!

My prayer is that she will wake up....but I don't think that is going to happen.  I am seeing loss and pain for all involved.....

Little Bit Turns 7

So this isn't the best picture of it....but he wanted a Skylanders birthday cake.  This was my first attempt at fondant.  It came out great and I was totally impressed with myself and the power portal I made....

No, I didn't make the characters....those are part of his gift and are figures he can play with. 

We celebrated a few days early since his birthday falls in the middle of the week. But we will have a birthday dinner that night too!

More Than Rubies

I have primarily focused on foster care here but tonight I have something more.  I think it is important.  For me. For you.  And maybe for some other young woman.  (Perhaps some young men, too.)  Some things that are here may offend you.  Sorry if they do but this is a portion of my testimony and I WILL NOT BACK DOWN.  

I have recently started talking with someone that I thought was a nice guy. Yesterday I would have said this gentleman was a Christian. Well.... 

Just had an unusual exchange (this was actually over two days)....went from a friendly conversation he had asked about my former fiancé and what happened; why did we break up?

ME: We dated off and on during high school...got engaged in college & because we knew we were getting married we had become sexually active both thinking this was 'ok' because we were getting married anyway.  Let me assure you it was not ok.  Satan took was became a gray area and blended and smeared that into other areas of my life.  I am not proud of the roads I took but that is the road I took. We did break up due to my pursuing a same-sex attraction.


In the past 3-4 years I have dated a few guys I thought would be great husbands but a couple just seemed interested in sex ...and frankly I think my past stemmed from my sexual immorality so I do not want to make that mistake again (no sex before I'm married) and I want a husband that is committed to Christ and has a relationship with God and is prepared to lead our family spiritually. Many other prospects didn't make it to the first date or didn't make it past a 2nd. 


HIM  "I don't believe in waiting until marriage for sexual intimacy. I do want to have a committed 100% faithful relationship, but do not want to wait until marriage for it to occur." and because I didn't reply last night I also got this: "I'm guessing you don't agree with that. Well best of luck to you." 

ME: 
Yes, you are right. I won't/can't make that mistake again. I'm just at a point in my relationship with God that following His word is more important.











HIM:
 I think that a big part of a relationship is negotiating and attempting to please each other's needs....you are unwilling to do that?












           

ME: 


Honestly there didn't seem to be much room for negotiating...you said you didn't believe in waiting for marriage and I won't compromise on that. I know it was that compromise that satan used to warp and twist my views on sexuality. I won't make that mistake again. I ruined a wonderful relationship that I had and am still suffering consequences from it. Had I waited until marriage there would have been no option for exploration of another. It would have been my husband only.
Then you sent a message telling me best of luck....to me that didn't leave a window open for negotiations. I didn't say I wouldn't kiss or be affectionate...but I know I can't cross that line.



HIM:
...you and I both know, that when love is present then intimacy occurs. I won't have sex until I am told ******, I LOVE YOU. but I do expect it soon. Your call if you truly don't want me, I am sorry for you, missing out on me









                









ME: 


Well, I then perhaps we will be better off as friends now because I loved my fiancé deeply and we KNEW we were getting married so we decided it was "ok".... But honestly it wasn't.
I like you. I felt we had a good connection, but I won't be swayed to go against God's word or will. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." I know what damage that did and I don't want to repeat it. My true goal is to be a Proverbs 31 woman... Premarital sex is a non-negotiable for me. If that causes me to "miss out", so be it. My reward will be greater.

Again, I wish you luck in finding a wife who is everything you desire.









This is where it turned to insults, name-calling, and being cussed at by a "Christian" (and due to the language he certainly wasn't a man or gentleman!!) who was rather upset that I would not negotiate on Godly things.   Frankly, I have the entire rant since it was done in print...but It would bring now glory to reprint the vulgar language that was hurled at me.  Frankly I think much of it would have offended many sailors!  My response was this:  "....And for you to go to the low low state of name calling proves your own insecurity and lack of a relationship with Christ. And THAT is a further point of how I know I just made the right choice. I want to be in a marriage with a Godly man who will love me as Christ loves his church, not one who will stoop to a low like that.... I pray for you."
(BTW, He did respond with more before I blocked him from contacting me further....)

Sorry but I will not apologize for the fact that I will NOT negotiate on His commands or what He teaches in His word.  I want other young woman to realize they need to value themselves.  Value who you are.  God made you special.  DO NOT COMPROMISE to fit in with any man.  To be part of any "in crowd" or group.  And to the young men: You do not have to conform to society either.  Do not try to do what everyone else is....You are better than that.  You were made better than that!  If some young woman tries to make you compromise, She's. Not. Worth. It.

God reminded me:
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans12:2)  He makes all things new. 

Just because we once "were" does not define who we are. We are all made new in HIM! Thanks God for Your never ending love. I am a Proverbs 31 woman because of who You are and what You have done for me!!  I know Proverbs 31:10 states, "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."  Compromise is easy. Being upstanding, upright before God, and of noble character...that is a difficult road...but it will be blessed beyond your imagination and dreams because God fulfills all Him promises!  

You are worth far more than rubies!   

Time Warp

At least I am guessing it has been a time warp.....

Gee, I can't believe it has been so long since I posted.  Nothing cute, not too much funny going on here.  I am actually struggling a bit.  Iron Man has been having some major behavior issues.  I know that it really is not personal....but my LORD - Give me strength!

They have a one hour visit every Friday and lately the behaviors have been challenging....more than when they spent an entire day with bio-mom.  I am thinking on "why"....

Here's my thoughts ~then please, feel free to comment....

We are:

~ overwhelmed with grown-up problems being dumped on them by bio-mom.  (I know this is true to a degree because they told me when she lost her job again!)

~ scared about not going home. Ever.

~ testing the boundaries to see if they are stable. (This seems to be true to a point too because I can 'hear' most of the chaos that ensues during visits. NO CONTROL!)

~

~

~

~


I know I has SO many more things rattling around in my brain.....ugh.  Yes, I am overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, hurt, disappointed, scared, ALL for them and its not my mom that can't/won't parent!!  Geesh! My heart really breaks for them.  Over a year into this....and they are no closer to being 'home'.... No closer to living with bio-mom....   No closer to permanency with a forever-family....  NOTHING.  This system is so unfair to these kids.

I felt like we made such progress and now we are going backward fast....

Ok, don't get me wrong: We have made great progress!  They both have grown 1-2" in height, and have gained 10lbs!!!  Yes that is amazing!  And you know what they are working so hard in school!  I am proud of them.

Wordless Wednesday

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

Yes...I don't usually do things like this....BUT, I got up this morning headed to get my shower and found this:

It was only 6:00am....and boys, you made me smile.

Safety First!

OK....so I have a little pet peeve going on today.  (Yes, there's a huge back story...but we will save that for another time)....Now on with it....

Little Bit comes home from school today with a paper that they are going to do a tie-dye project at school.  (Yes, I am slightly jealous of this...I never got to do anything fun like this in school....we did the glue the string all over a ballon and make a funky egg shape...NO TIE-DYE)...but anyway. A t-shirt it is.  COOL, Right!!

On the paper, it clearly states that they can have their name air brushed onto the shirt too. Then there was a section like this:

____ NO Name

____ First Name Front

____ Last Name Front

____ First Name Back

____ Last Name Back

Child's Name _______________

OK...we will totally skip the fact that my said kiddo is in the middle of life in foster care and concurrent planning to adoption.....AND attachment issues that go along with said children in these situations.....

UMM, has anyone seen the news lately.  Three women were just found after they were kidnapped 10 years ago.... ALL OF THE police departments will tell you DO NOT put your child's name on his Backpack.., clothing, etc!  It just gives that bad-guy an easy in!  "HEY JOHNNY, come here... I gotta take you to your mom!"  Poor Johnny, thinks hmm uh, ok, you know my name..."Uh, sure, I'm coming!!"

So in my best, teacher, social-worker, safety advocate, parent hat.....this is what I did:

I checked the line for "First Name Front" and in the line for Child's Name I wrote 2013 ...then I wrote this note at the bottom of the page:

"Names on kids' shirts are not very safe - gives perp easy access.  "Hey ____, come here."  PLEASE use year as a keepsake for LitteBit."

SO, I have to ask:  What would you do??

Feeling Lucky!

Wow, yesterday I opened my email to this:  "YOU WON!!!!!"

Ok, I don't ever win anything and just a few weeks ago I won a year of web hosting from UBP13.

And today, I am so excited because my blogging-buddy Jess at www.thenilaughed.com had a give away...partnering with MLG Photography.  So I won a photo session! And seriously, I am so totally excited to be able to do a photo session with my foster boys.

Check out both of the incredible women....

Love is....

Remember that old cartoon/comic.   You know.  The one where it always said "Love Is...." with a cute little picture and saying.

Today, as I picked up the boys from after school....Little Bit came running and jumping into my arms (for the second day in a row) as he was yelling

"MOMMA....MOMMA...MOMMMMMEEEEEEEE....."

And during that moment I do believe....

Love is.....

And one day at a time it is.  But I am also reminded that "LOVE IS ENOUGH!"  Thank you Jesus for loving me.  Thank you for allowing me to love.  Thank you for the chance to show that love is enough and love is what we all need.

I love because he first loved me.  (1 John 4:19)

Real truth or fake truth....

OK, you know, you just have to have an appreciation for the things kids say!!!  Like tonight.  We are walking to get dinner at Chick-Fil-A (It was receipt night....free food for bring my receipt back from Thursday...2 for 1 dinner can't beat it!!!) ...anyway....

We are walking and Little Bit and I have the following conversation:



LB: My coat is ripped.

ME: How did you do that?

LB:  I didn't.  It just did it.

ME: Uhm, No it didn't just "do it"  How did you do it?

LB:  I don't know.

ME:  Ok.  When did it happen.

LB: Uhhhhhh......

ME: LB. When.

LB: Friday.

ME: How did you do it?

LB:  I don't know.

ME:  Yes you do. Either your ripped the whole thing (This is a hole from under the arm down the side..B-I-G  GIANT.  HOLE!) or it had a little hole and you tore it up.  SO, how did you do you?

LB:  weeeelllllll..............

ME:  You will get in less trouble if you just tell the truth.

LB:  Do you want the real truth or the fake truth?

ME: Real truth, please.




Frankly, I am not sure if I ever even was told how this gash even happened.  Honestly,  I was so, so , so  just trying to keep the chuckling inside and not let it show.  HAHA!!! Oh my goodness we have come so far.  I am loving this kid.  He really and truly cracks me up "Real truth or fake truth".


ME:  OH, and by the way Little Bit, I am not buying you another coat.  So when it gets cold and you don't have one...so sad for you.  You will need to buy a new one.

(Yes, I came back enough to toss a little Love & Logic his way.....no rants, no yelling, no craziness....)

We have I have really been making an effort to get the truth in all things.  Honesty is so hard.  I mean, its hard for us 'normal' adults....so imagine what it is like for a kid that had whatever God-aweful experience every time something went wrong in life.  Yes, it is hard to own our actions and take responsibility...but we must.

Kisses From Katie and a Lesson From Jacob

This morning was a difficult one. One of hard memories and broken hearts.  Well, specifically my broken heart.  I began rereading my friend Katie's blog.  I say friend but actually she is a sister in Christ that lives halfway around the world in Uganda.

I first cam across Katie in October 2011.  I saw a video about her story and ministry called Amazima Ministries.  As luck God would have it, she was speaking the following day for her last US speaking engagement for the year.  Knowing that I could in no way make the Sunday morning services she was speaking at because I was on staff at a church at the time, I knew I would be making the 1 1/2 drive for the evening service at David Platt's church,  The Church at Brook Hills.

And to further show how God sets divine appointments....I had read David Platt's book "Radical" just a few months before.  During that growing time of my live, God dealt with me.  I never really write notes into books I read...this one is littered with notes, prayers, and challenges.  Specifically, I remember writing; "What would my life look like - and what would this city & country look like - if we said YES to God and lived radically for Jesus?"

Many, many things have happened in my life since that time and I will share them at some point - but today is not yet the time.

Anyway, back to today, as I sit reading through Katie Davis' blog, Kisses From Katie, I have bee reminded of the reason I am where I am.  I just cam across this entry; teenagers and a lesson from Jacob. As i was reading, I was reminded again how God commands us to care for the widows and orphans.  That is why I do what I do.  Adoption and foster care is God's heart....and it must be in our hearts.  Adoption and foster care are each a blessing.  Adoption and foster care are hard.  There are moments when everyone hurts.  Children are thankful for the safety and security...the food and love.  But this all comes with a price.  There is loss.  There are hurts.  Little bit snuggles up and loves on me calling me Momma and Mommy and in less than 24 hours can spew hatred and make me want to pull my hair out.

But I know love is what is needed.  More specifically His LOVE is needed. Commanded.  Katie, in this post refers to Genesis Chapter 33. Esau and Jacob are meeting for the first time in a long time. As Jacob approaches Esau, with his many children following close behind, Esau asks, “ And who are these with you?”

Jacob’s reply: “These are the children that the Lord saw fit to bless me with.”

Yes, these are the children that the Lord saw fit to bless me with.  My number 2 & 3 sons.  You have captured my heart.  I love you.  

As I finished reading this particular post, I scrolled up to go to the next post....yes, I really was re-reading the ENTIRE blog beginning to end.  Not because I haven't read it....but because I needed the reminder of the transformation God can do in and through us when we are just willing to say "YES"....

Anyway...this particular entry was posted on August 2, 2010.  My dear sweet #1 son's birthday.  And it is because of him I am where I am along this journey.  And it is he, who God asked me to willing give to Him just over 2 years ago.  Oh it broke my heart to utter that "yes" unto Him...and I'm sure if I knew what that "YES" would've meant, I am sure my stubborn human self would not have willingly said yes....but without it....I may not be where I am today....and yet, I do not even know where I am going!

Letter To The Editor....

Every year 3.3 million reports of child abuse are made in the United States involving nearly 6 million children (a report can include multiple children). Children are abused - physically attacked, emotionally damaged, sexually molested, or severely neglected - often by the people they have loved and trusted most. (2)

Many of these children become a part of the foster care system. In the system they will bounce from foster homes, group homes, institutional settings, attempted reunification in their parent's homes and homes of extended family members for any number of their childhood years. According to the US Department of Health and Human Services Administration for Child and Family Welfare, there are over 400,000 children in the foster care system in the United States today. (1) According to the Kansas Department for Children and Families, the average number of children living in Out of Home placements thus far in FY 2013 is 5,478. (9)

In addition to the trauma that a young child experiences due to abuse or neglect, several foster care alumni studies show that without a lifelong connection to a caring adult, youth who spend a significant amount of time in foster care are left vulnerable to a host of adverse situations including dropping out of high-school, becoming a young parent, experiencing homeless, having no health insurance and receiving public assistance. (4) Fourteen percent of all men in prison in the United States were abused as children and 36% of all women in prison were abused as children. (7) Children who experience child abuse & neglect are 59% more likely to be arrested as a juvenile, 28% more likely to be arrested as an adult, and 30% more likely to commit violent crimes. (8) Perhaps most tragically, about 30% of abused and neglected children will later abuse their own children, continuing the horrible cycle of abuse. (7)

Royal Family KIDS is working to break the cycle of abuse in America. As a 501(c)(3) non-profit, is the nation’s leading network of camps for abused, neglected and abandoned children. By mobilizing local churches to sponsor a one-week camp for abused and neglected children ages 7-11 in their local community, RFKC gets caring adults involved in the lives of children who need them most. Each camp has two very simple goals: make positive childhood memories for the kids and let them experience unconditional love from an adult. Many volunteers who go to camp are inspired to become mentors, become foster parents and even adopt children who need a loving, caring family.

Right now, we have a unique opportunity in Topeka to assist in changing the life on foster children in our area. Roebuck Media’s ‘CAMP’ opened on April 5, 2013 at the Hollywood 14 theatres. “CAMP” is a Fish-out-of-water story about investment advisor Ken Matthews (Michael Mattera), who volunteers to go to camp to impress a client, but finds himself paired with an angry, troubled 10 year-old camper named Eli (Miles Elliot, “The Mentalist”).

“The movie shares the story of hope on the big screen that camps provide to these forgotten children,” said writer/director Jacob Roebuck, who thought of the idea for the script when volunteering at a Royal Family Kids camp. (10) Founded by Orange County natives Wayne and Diane Tesch over 25 years ago, Royal Family Kids is now a network of over 150 churches across the country that provides camps, clubs and mentorship programs for abused and neglected kids. (10)

So what can you do? Go see ‘CAMP’ the creators and producer have committed that 40% of the profits from the showing here in Topeka will go to assist the locally run Topeka Royal Family KIDS camp. Keep in mind that this week-long camp costs the state, foster parents or children nothing to attend. This movie was just extended for another week run and starting Friday, April 12th the show times are daily at 1:25p and 6:40p.


TOPEKA FOSTER MOM

------------------------
1. Child Welfare Information Gateway. Available online at http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/foster.cfm

2. U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Administration for Children and Families, Administration on Children, Youth and Families, Children's Bureau. (2011). Child Maltreatment 2010. Available from http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/cb/stats_research/index.htm#can.

3. Child Help http://www.childhelp.org/pages/statistics

4. Foster Care Alumni of America
http://www.fostercarealumni.org/resources/foster_care_facts_and_statistics.htm

5. Reilly, T. (00). Transition from care: Status and outcomes of youth who age out of foster care. Child Welfare, 82(6), 77-76.

6. American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry http://www.aacap.org/cs/root/facts_for_families/child_abuse_the_hidden_bruises

7. Harlow, C. U.S. Department of Justice, Office of Justice Programs. (1999).Prior abuse reported by inmates and probationers (NCJ 172879) Retrieved from http://bjs.ojp.usdoj.gov/content/pub/pdf/parip.pdf

8. Long - Term Consequences of Child Abuse and Neglect. Child Welfare Information Gateway.Washington, D.C.: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, 2006.

9. Kansas Department for Chhildren and Famlies. (3/15/13) FY 2013 Romovals, Discharges and Out of Home Summary (FACTS) http://www.dcf.ks.gov/services/PPS/Documents/FY2013DataReports/FACTSRemovalsDischargesOOHSFY13.pdf

10.  Burbank Premiere Release.  www.thecampmovie.com