Dear Foster/(soon-to-be) Adoptive Mother,
Wow! First I want to say, “Thank you.” I know it isn’t easy to love with every bit of your being with the little piece of doubt that creeps into your mind whispering, “What if?...” Just sit back for a moment, take a deep breath and remember why you began this journey. God knew what He was doing as He knit you, your story and that of your child, and just how it would all fit together; your strengths and her needs; your life experiences and his loss; your pain and their joy. And vise-versa.
Remember when you said “YES”…remember when your heart first began to melt. You may have only had a 2-3 sentence introduction, not knowing the color of his eyes, the way her hair curls over her eyes, the dimples that now explode when he sees you. You didn’t know any of it. All you knew is that you prayed for the child(ren) that God knew belonged in your home.
Remember when you first met. Remember the scared little one that was so unsure if you were “safe.” Remember how she ran right to you and called you “Mommy” because boundaries were never taught in her past because there were people in and out by the hour. Remember how she was so tiny you thought she was ½ the age the paperwork said. Remember the wide-eye wonder as you got to share that first play-day at the park.
And when you sit in the storms of life remember God’s promise that came with the rainbow. When your 10 year-old had an ‘accident’ because…..he really doesn’t know why...Remember that in that moment he was just a scared little boy that was threaten if he dared to leave his room to use the restroom. Or she wet the bed because if she got up in the middle of the night it would wake him up and bring on the unrelenting abuse and ”icky-touching”….but she forgot this place is safe.
Oh, I know how hard it is that your daughter doesn’t even know who her biological family is but she has to go on that visit anyway. I know it isn’t fair but her case manager say ‘they have no choice.’ When your ‘gut’ tells you something is not right, remember to fight. Fight for her. You are her voice. You may be in parental limbo right now and she may never know how you loved and protected her when the system wouldn’t. Or couldn’t.
Now, Mom, you need to find someone to confide in. Talk to that other adoptive mom that has been there. Don’t fall into the trap that you are alone. This journey often leaves each of us feeling alone. I think that is Satan’s plan. He doesn’t want these children to succeed. He doesn’t want the church to rescue them from his grip. Remember the” thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.” (John 10:10). But you can offer Hope and the Redeemer. It will be a bumpy road but you can do it with God’s strength and guidance.
The other reason why you need that confidant is that God call us all into relationship; Relationship with each other and with Him. There will be times you need encouragement and times you can be the encourager. Matthew 18:5 tells us, “Whoever receives one little child like this in My name receives Me.” And then later in chapter 25 verse 40 states, And the King will answer and say to them, ‘Assuredly, I say to you, inasmuch as you did it to one of the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me.” You see, we are following after God’s heart and although it won’t always be easy it will be worth it if you are faithful.
Go and plan the future. Even when the future seems so uncertain: plan. Plan the next family vacation. It may be the first time they have packed a suitcase. Plan the celebration of the upcoming birthday because it is likely they never celebrated their special day. They day they were born may have been forgotten or cursed before. Plan to build an igloo in the snow and teach him to make a snowball. Teach her how to roll a giant snowman body. Give them the chance to play in the ocean, dig for worms, go fishing at the lake, make homemade ice cream, lay in the dark and stargaze, make memories.
What if, you ask? What if they go home? Well hopefully it is to a home of restored relationships. It will be to a parent that has learned to love and care for this gift from God. How will you heal, you wonder? Now that answer, is easy to say, but just like living the day to day….it is not always easy to do. Pray. You will pray. Pray that the parents have patience and understanding with this precious child. And today, pray. Pray for you; to have insight and understanding; to listen to the words said and unsaid; to turn to Him first; to act in love, mercy and grace. That God may always hold this precious child in the palm of His hand and keep him safe. There really is no guarantee, each child born to this earth is God’s and it is His job to ultimately protect them. No matter how the child joins our home and family they are God’s and we are just privileged enough to ‘babysit’ them for this season. Love them, guide them, teach them, pray for them, cherish them for today, tomorrow, for weeks, for months, for the years, or a lifetime.
So my sweet friend, as you transition from foster mom to adoptive mom, know that you are loved. Your friends are here for you. God is here for you. You are here for those children. The days are not always easy but there is always at least one blessing even in the midst of the storm. And just like Esther, What if… “Yet who knows whether you have come to the kingdom for such a time as this?”(Esther 4:14)
Have a Blessed Day (yes, even in the mess)!
Your Friend and Sister in Christ
