More Than Rubies

I have primarily focused on foster care here but tonight I have something more.  I think it is important.  For me. For you.  And maybe for some other young woman.  (Perhaps some young men, too.)  Some things that are here may offend you.  Sorry if they do but this is a portion of my testimony and I WILL NOT BACK DOWN.  

I have recently started talking with someone that I thought was a nice guy. Yesterday I would have said this gentleman was a Christian. Well.... 

Just had an unusual exchange (this was actually over two days)....went from a friendly conversation he had asked about my former fiancé and what happened; why did we break up?

ME: We dated off and on during high school...got engaged in college & because we knew we were getting married we had become sexually active both thinking this was 'ok' because we were getting married anyway.  Let me assure you it was not ok.  Satan took was became a gray area and blended and smeared that into other areas of my life.  I am not proud of the roads I took but that is the road I took. We did break up due to my pursuing a same-sex attraction.


In the past 3-4 years I have dated a few guys I thought would be great husbands but a couple just seemed interested in sex ...and frankly I think my past stemmed from my sexual immorality so I do not want to make that mistake again (no sex before I'm married) and I want a husband that is committed to Christ and has a relationship with God and is prepared to lead our family spiritually. Many other prospects didn't make it to the first date or didn't make it past a 2nd. 


HIM  "I don't believe in waiting until marriage for sexual intimacy. I do want to have a committed 100% faithful relationship, but do not want to wait until marriage for it to occur." and because I didn't reply last night I also got this: "I'm guessing you don't agree with that. Well best of luck to you." 

ME: 
Yes, you are right. I won't/can't make that mistake again. I'm just at a point in my relationship with God that following His word is more important.











HIM:
 I think that a big part of a relationship is negotiating and attempting to please each other's needs....you are unwilling to do that?












           

ME: 


Honestly there didn't seem to be much room for negotiating...you said you didn't believe in waiting for marriage and I won't compromise on that. I know it was that compromise that satan used to warp and twist my views on sexuality. I won't make that mistake again. I ruined a wonderful relationship that I had and am still suffering consequences from it. Had I waited until marriage there would have been no option for exploration of another. It would have been my husband only.
Then you sent a message telling me best of luck....to me that didn't leave a window open for negotiations. I didn't say I wouldn't kiss or be affectionate...but I know I can't cross that line.



HIM:
...you and I both know, that when love is present then intimacy occurs. I won't have sex until I am told ******, I LOVE YOU. but I do expect it soon. Your call if you truly don't want me, I am sorry for you, missing out on me









                









ME: 


Well, I then perhaps we will be better off as friends now because I loved my fiancé deeply and we KNEW we were getting married so we decided it was "ok".... But honestly it wasn't.
I like you. I felt we had a good connection, but I won't be swayed to go against God's word or will. Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." I know what damage that did and I don't want to repeat it. My true goal is to be a Proverbs 31 woman... Premarital sex is a non-negotiable for me. If that causes me to "miss out", so be it. My reward will be greater.

Again, I wish you luck in finding a wife who is everything you desire.









This is where it turned to insults, name-calling, and being cussed at by a "Christian" (and due to the language he certainly wasn't a man or gentleman!!) who was rather upset that I would not negotiate on Godly things.   Frankly, I have the entire rant since it was done in print...but It would bring now glory to reprint the vulgar language that was hurled at me.  Frankly I think much of it would have offended many sailors!  My response was this:  "....And for you to go to the low low state of name calling proves your own insecurity and lack of a relationship with Christ. And THAT is a further point of how I know I just made the right choice. I want to be in a marriage with a Godly man who will love me as Christ loves his church, not one who will stoop to a low like that.... I pray for you."
(BTW, He did respond with more before I blocked him from contacting me further....)

Sorry but I will not apologize for the fact that I will NOT negotiate on His commands or what He teaches in His word.  I want other young woman to realize they need to value themselves.  Value who you are.  God made you special.  DO NOT COMPROMISE to fit in with any man.  To be part of any "in crowd" or group.  And to the young men: You do not have to conform to society either.  Do not try to do what everyone else is....You are better than that.  You were made better than that!  If some young woman tries to make you compromise, She's. Not. Worth. It.

God reminded me:
"Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans12:2)  He makes all things new. 

Just because we once "were" does not define who we are. We are all made new in HIM! Thanks God for Your never ending love. I am a Proverbs 31 woman because of who You are and what You have done for me!!  I know Proverbs 31:10 states, "A wife of noble character who can find? She is worth far more than rubies."  Compromise is easy. Being upstanding, upright before God, and of noble character...that is a difficult road...but it will be blessed beyond your imagination and dreams because God fulfills all Him promises!  

You are worth far more than rubies!   

Time Warp

At least I am guessing it has been a time warp.....

Gee, I can't believe it has been so long since I posted.  Nothing cute, not too much funny going on here.  I am actually struggling a bit.  Iron Man has been having some major behavior issues.  I know that it really is not personal....but my LORD - Give me strength!

They have a one hour visit every Friday and lately the behaviors have been challenging....more than when they spent an entire day with bio-mom.  I am thinking on "why"....

Here's my thoughts ~then please, feel free to comment....

We are:

~ overwhelmed with grown-up problems being dumped on them by bio-mom.  (I know this is true to a degree because they told me when she lost her job again!)

~ scared about not going home. Ever.

~ testing the boundaries to see if they are stable. (This seems to be true to a point too because I can 'hear' most of the chaos that ensues during visits. NO CONTROL!)

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I know I has SO many more things rattling around in my brain.....ugh.  Yes, I am overwhelmed, frustrated, angry, hurt, disappointed, scared, ALL for them and its not my mom that can't/won't parent!!  Geesh! My heart really breaks for them.  Over a year into this....and they are no closer to being 'home'.... No closer to living with bio-mom....   No closer to permanency with a forever-family....  NOTHING.  This system is so unfair to these kids.

I felt like we made such progress and now we are going backward fast....

Ok, don't get me wrong: We have made great progress!  They both have grown 1-2" in height, and have gained 10lbs!!!  Yes that is amazing!  And you know what they are working so hard in school!  I am proud of them.

Wordless Wednesday

(Almost) Wordless Wednesday

Yes...I don't usually do things like this....BUT, I got up this morning headed to get my shower and found this:

It was only 6:00am....and boys, you made me smile.

Safety First!

OK....so I have a little pet peeve going on today.  (Yes, there's a huge back story...but we will save that for another time)....Now on with it....

Little Bit comes home from school today with a paper that they are going to do a tie-dye project at school.  (Yes, I am slightly jealous of this...I never got to do anything fun like this in school....we did the glue the string all over a ballon and make a funky egg shape...NO TIE-DYE)...but anyway. A t-shirt it is.  COOL, Right!!

On the paper, it clearly states that they can have their name air brushed onto the shirt too. Then there was a section like this:

____ NO Name

____ First Name Front

____ Last Name Front

____ First Name Back

____ Last Name Back

Child's Name _______________

OK...we will totally skip the fact that my said kiddo is in the middle of life in foster care and concurrent planning to adoption.....AND attachment issues that go along with said children in these situations.....

UMM, has anyone seen the news lately.  Three women were just found after they were kidnapped 10 years ago.... ALL OF THE police departments will tell you DO NOT put your child's name on his Backpack.., clothing, etc!  It just gives that bad-guy an easy in!  "HEY JOHNNY, come here... I gotta take you to your mom!"  Poor Johnny, thinks hmm uh, ok, you know my name..."Uh, sure, I'm coming!!"

So in my best, teacher, social-worker, safety advocate, parent hat.....this is what I did:

I checked the line for "First Name Front" and in the line for Child's Name I wrote 2013 ...then I wrote this note at the bottom of the page:

"Names on kids' shirts are not very safe - gives perp easy access.  "Hey ____, come here."  PLEASE use year as a keepsake for LitteBit."

SO, I have to ask:  What would you do??

Feeling Lucky!

Wow, yesterday I opened my email to this:  "YOU WON!!!!!"

Ok, I don't ever win anything and just a few weeks ago I won a year of web hosting from UBP13.

And today, I am so excited because my blogging-buddy Jess at www.thenilaughed.com had a give away...partnering with MLG Photography.  So I won a photo session! And seriously, I am so totally excited to be able to do a photo session with my foster boys.

Check out both of the incredible women....